It’s probably far too easy to dismiss what is on our teenagers’ minds.
We assume that children, no matter their generation, focus primarily on matters of pop culture, games (video, these days), sports and relationships (at the malt shop back in the day and on social media today). It may seem that for many 16-, 17- and 18-year-olds, keeping up with news and public policies is dictated by homework and pop quizzes rather than a genuine engagement with the world.
The annual Las Vegas Sun Youth Forum puts the lie to that. For 59 years, the gathering of some of Clark County’s brightest public school seniors and juniors has been a showcase of intelligence and articulation, exemplified by mature discussion of the day’s most important issues, locally and internationally.
This year, about 1,000 teens attended the event, held at the Las Vegas Convention Center. They broke into groups of 40 or so, for energy-filled conversations moderated by community leaders who wanted to know what was on the teens’ minds.
One group tackled the question, “Do you wish your parents were more lax or more strict in raising you to this point in your life?” The responses were alternately brutal and poignant, and all came from the heart.
Some students strayed and discussed parenting skills in general. Many in the group nodded in agreement with what was being said; others spoke to the contrary. They volunteered their opinions, one after another. There was no lull in the discussion.
“Parents should be stricter. Parents need to keep their kids on track.”
But another teen warned, “Kids in strict households are more sneaky.”
“There should be a point system” when teens misbehave in school or on the job. “Three strikes, and you’re out. And the parents should pay the consequences.”
Another student chimed in, “High school is preparation for being an adult. The child should face his own consequences (for bad behavior). Parents can’t be blamed.”
“Parents shouldn’t force their religion or political views on their kids, or tell them what college to go to.”
“They try to micromanage your life.” “They’re over-controlling.” And, “They should let the child pursue his or her dreams.”
“They want to be more of a friend than a parent so their kids like them,” and, “They want to live through their child instead of living their own lives.”
“They always believe they’re right.”
“They let their kids off the hook. That’s not good.”
“They’re overprotective,” and “Parents need to let their kids fall down.”
“They shouldn’t tell their kids that how they feel about something is wrong.”
“They put too much pressure on you,” said one. Another teen: “They don’t put enough effort into parenting.” And, “They don’t invest in their kid’s education.”
“They don’t listen.” And, “The worst thing is to be ignored by your parents.”
Parents who are reading this likely will view it as a litmus test, checking off what they do right or wrong based on what the teens shared. But it more importantly is a test to see if parents are listening to and hearing what their children are saying.
There were several common denominators in what was shared among the teens, and parents should pay heed to them: Children, surely through the ages, have wanted to be respected by being given attention, being heard and being supported. And even as we share our values with our kids, we can’t expect to corral their minds.
Aside from offering love and security, among the most important things a parent can do for a child is provide shared conversation, in which each listens to the other. If you don’t already, talk to your children. And listen to them.
That’s something we learned at the Sun Youth Forum; young adults have a lot on their minds that they want to share.
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