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In the past two years, countless Americans took “the plunge,” dumping buckets of ice water over their heads to raise awareness of and millions of dollars for the fight against amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or ALS. Last year more than 17 million videos were posted on Facebook showing people dumping their buckets, including celebrities, governors, every Major League Baseball team and the “Good Morning America” morning show team. The Facebook campaign generated 10 billion views and raised $220 million.
I admit, I am jealous. As someone with a mental illness who lives a good life but one rife with stigma, often embarrassed to go public with my disease, I wish somehow the same millions of baseball players, celebrities and others would come up with something else to dump over their heads to combat mental health stigmas.
There are a lot of stereotypes and stigmas about those with mental illnesses that keep people from getting help. I call them the secondary problems, because people with mental illness face plenty of primary problems — the medical issues that can keep us suffering from fatigue or bring on medication side-effects.
Even though it’s a secondary problem, stigma is still severe. Some say stigma kills, such as when people keep their illnesses to themselves and avoid psychiatrists. Stigma harms people as well when it comes to employment issues. I never check the box on job application forms that says I have a disability, even though companies claim they are equal-opportunity employers that welcome diversity. Sometime I wondered if checking the box would give me an inside track, thinking the company really wanted a diverse workforce. I quit checking it after reading research that it didn’t help at all.
At one job, where the senior management in another building made it clear that working from home violated company policy, the lower-level managers covered for an employee who had cancer, and they let her secretly work from home so she didn’t have to use up her sick days. They were compassionate and understanding.
I don’t know what would have happened had I asked for the same treatment because I was too ashamed to ask despite needing my own extra sick days. Stigma works both ways. It frequently has to do with my own fears and embarrassment, as much as it does with the stereotypes others have of me. I feel like I have to explain it all — that no, I am not going to run around in my birthday suit, screaming and yelling, and I’m not armed and dangerous. It has more to do with concentration issues, agitation levels, dizziness and cloudy brainwaves.
Sometimes people are just curious. They want to know how it feels. They want to help. My mom’s friend kept asking me if I was taking my medication. She was worried, she said. There are those out there who don’t. To people like her I usually explain that my brother has diabetes, he’s insulin-dependent and he takes his insulin daily. He checks his blood sugar regularly, and that’s just what he has to do to survive. I told her I am the same.
“I take medications daily. Please don’t ask anymore. It’s really a private affair.” She got mad. Then my mom got mad. We all got mad. My life isn’t easy.
And I grew tired, too, of finding my name on the Internet attached to links dealing with mental health, such as support groups. People with mental illnesses try to avoid the discrimination and stereotypes that come with their diseases. If we can hide the illness — from potential employers and online dates — maybe we can avoid the stigma.
But it’s exhausting. So for my new year’s resolutions, I decided to take a plunge of a different kind. I took a pledge created by the National Alliance on Mental Illness that anyone can sign. It’s called #Iamstigmafree. I wish it were only true, and I could wave a magic anti-stigma wand to make it all go away.
But it did do one thing: After 30 years of living a double life I decided to “out” myself, as we say in the mental health world, and it’s a big deal. It’s scary.
Living stigma-free is a process, but it’s one I’m looking forward to, however long the journey. I am outing myself on my own terms.
I’m also looking forward to joining others in dumping something on my head that will make a statement about mental health stigma.
Ice water sounds harsh. I think I’ll push for rose petals.
Kim Palchikoff is studying social work at UNR and writes about mental health.
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