It may not have been freighted with the same significance as the Barack Obama-Hillary Clinton meeting in Dianne Feinstein’s living room. But last week, in a sit-down kept under close wraps until now, Gov. Jim Gibbons accepted Chancellor Jim Rogers’ invitation to discuss the budget cuts.
As with the Obama-Clinton tete-a-tete, no aides were present at the one-on-one between Gibbons and Rogers that also took place in a living room, this one at the home of an unidentified Reno doctor. Miraculously, I have obtained an annotated transcript:
Rogers: “Governor, good to see you. Why haven’t you been returning my phone calls?”
Gibbons: “That’s my fault, Jim. I kept using the 775 area code to call you. I had forgotten that you guys down south had grown so much that you have your own area code now. I need to learn more about that part of the state.”
Rogers: “Are you a bone ... (voice trails off)? Never mind. Listen, we need to talk. Did you read my memo about what those 14 percent cuts would do to the system?”
Gibbons: “Well, it was six pages, Jim. That was a lot to read.”
Rogers: “For God’s sake, Governor. This is important!”
Gibbons: “I know, Jim. But I didn’t need to read too far. It said it all in the first line and it was all in capital letters: ‘BALANCE THE BUDGET.’ So I knew we agreed on something. Finally.”
Rogers: “No, Governor, I was being sarcastic that that’s the only standard this state uses for fiscal success. It’s in the constitution, for crying out loud.”
Gibbons: “Indeed it is, Jim. And that’s because I got it put in there by one of my initiatives, didn’t I?”
Rogers: “No, you complete idi ... (again, his voice trails off). That requirement was put in before you or I was born.”
Gibbons: “Actually, I think I got that visionary idea on, too, like tax supermajorities and considering education first. Actually, that education one was Dawn’s idea because she thought it would help her go to Congress. That didn’t work out too well and so she stayed here instead. And, um, that didn’t work out too well, either.”
Rogers: “I am sorry to hear that, Governor. But you can’t let that stuff distract you from doing your job.”
Gibbons: “Oh, it’s not. I have been working hard and going out a lot at night, which helps alleviate stress. And my staff has been really helpful, too.”
Rogers: “Your staff? Are you oblivious, Governor? Your staff is totally dysfunctional. You need to clean house.”
Gibbons: “You know, Jim, you are not the first one to tell me that. But why would cleaning up my house help?”
Rogers (shaking his head): “Never mind. So you didn’t read the rest of the memo?”
Gibbons: “My staff read it to me. There was a lot of gory stuff in there, though — stuff about amputations and cutting up body parts. Pretty gross, Jim.”
Rogers (yelling now): “That was a metaphor for what you are doing to the education system, Governor!”
Gibbons: “I don’t care who it was meant for, Jim. And I think you should show the office some respect. That’s what Bill Raggio always says: ‘Respect the governor’s office, even if you don’t respect the governor.’ I kinda like that.”
Rogers (again shaking his head): “Governor, let’s get back to the topic at hand. Are you really considering 14 percent cuts?”
Gibbons: Actually, they may be as high as 21 percent. But we have to learn to live within our means and operate government more like a business, Jim. You understand that.”
Rogers (now getting red-faced): “Are you out of your (expletive deleted) mind? Do you even get what’s happening here beyond your sophomoric cliches? This will be devastating to the state.”
Gibbons: “I don’t think so. I just can’t ask the good people of the chamber of commerce or the mining industry to pay any more so you and your egghead friends can have more money to teach silly courses. Next thing you’ll be telling me is that all-day kindergarten is a good idea.”
Rogers: “It is. So what’s your vision for the state’s success, Governor?”
Gibbons: “Four more years!”
Rogers: “No, seriously. We both know reelection is out of the question.”
Gibbons: “Are you kidding? This is Nevada. No one in the private sector is taking me on. Republicans don’t like me but won’t say anything. It’s only whiny media types, and I can run against them. I’m not going anywhere.”
Rogers looks as if he is about to unload again, thinks better of it, shakes his head, and walks out.
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